Pain will always be a part of life. You will always find countless hurdles and roadblocks in your journey, and sometimes they will pull you down and hurt you. But you have to do everything in your power to not stay on the ground and get back up. Hakeem Croom’s story embodies this mindset, which he explores in this conversation with Gary Schoeniger. Before becoming an educator, life coach, author, and speaker, he was shaped by the harsh realities of his hometown Harlem, surrounded by poverty, addiction, and uncertainty. Hakeem shares how basketball became a lifeline for him, pulled him away from the streets, and brought him to Military School that forever transformed his life. Tune in on this story of grit, growth, and grace.
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Listen to the Podcast here
Transforming Pain Into Purpose With Hakeem Croom
I am speaking with Hakeem Croom, an Educator, Life Coach, Author, and Speaker who’s on a mission to empower students, especially young men of color, through mentorship and mindset development. Hakeem’s story begins in Harlem, where he grew up surrounded by poverty, addiction, and uncertainty. Yet every day, he walked streets and attended schools named after people like Frederick Douglas, Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X and Thurgood Marshall, all reminders of a powerful legacy of African American leadership and resilience.
From a young age, Hakeem saw two paths laid out before him, one shaped by the harsh realities of his environment, and another inspired by the greatness of those who had overcome. His journey became a testament to the path he ultimately chose. In high school, basketball became a lifeline for Hakeem, helping him stay off the streets and focus on a dream, then a chance encounter to attend a military school changed the course of his life.
In this episode, you’ll read how Hakeem used adversity as a catalyst to transform pain into purpose and self-direction. His story is one of grit, growth, and grace, and it offers a powerful example of inspiration, leadership, and hope. Without any further ado, I hope you enjoy my conversation with Hakeem Croom.
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Hakeem, welcome to the show.
It’s a pleasure to be here with you, Gary. Thank you for having me.
Life Coach And Speaker Hakeem Croom
Listen, almost the minute we met, I just vibed in like, “This guy’s got something going on. I want to know more.” My whole thing is like, how do ordinary people do extraordinary things? It’s mindset stuff. I’m really excited to get your story. I got a little bit about it. We met at Victor Valley College. I don’t know how long ago? Not that long ago, but you seem to be a rising star there, and you got an interesting backstory I want to share with the world. Can you just tee up the story, like where do you come from? Give us a little bit of the background.
Yeah, no problem. Yeah, so again, thanks for having me, Gary. I’m excited for the conversation. We’re getting into all the things, but again, I’m Hakeem Croom. I’m currently at Victor Valley College. I’m relatively new to the campus, but I’ve been in higher ed for many years. My background though, it’s rich, it’s complex.
I grew up in Harlem, New York, New York City. I was born in 1988 and in the middle, like the tail end of the ‘80s, that decade. I’m the middle of five kids. I grew up in Harlem, New York. That environment that I grew up in was rich in culture and just being able to be in a predominantly Black space. Also, on the flip side, I was exposed to a lot poverty, exposed to some hopelessness at times.
Poverty, crime, gang violence, all the things that are that are plaguing in our inner cities and our urban communities across this country. I was exposed to a lot of that. I think in my story, there’s a couple theme lines, having both my parents in my life. They both were married. My mom and dad were married for about 31 or 32 years. They having my older brother, so I’m the middle of five. I have two older brothers who are like mentors to me at a young age. Actually, they were parentified at an early age, too. They both were like 12 and 13 years older than me. Mom and dad like, “Take Hakeem outside with you.
Take him wherever you go.”
Yeah, I grew up with them and saw a lot and got a lot of those values instilled in me from them and from my mom and dad. My dad’s from Kenston, North Carolina. My mom is from Brooklyn. My dad moved to Kenston, North Carolina, part of the great migration from North Carolina Kenston, North County. He moved when he was a teenager in the ‘60s or so to Brooklyn, New York, where he met my mom.
My mom side is from Anderson, South Carolina, right near Clemson University, in that area. She was born in Brooklyn, and so that’s where they met. Yeah, they started their family. There I come in ’88. A little bit about just some of the theme lines. My dad never finished high school. My mom did, though. They really emphasized education in the household. We had a lot of books in the house and was one of those type of families that wanted to make sure that we got our education, especially at that time, it was like going to college and things like that. At an early age, I knew education was important and my brothers emphasized that as well.
Didn’t you tell me, though, like you were struggling in school?
Yeah, for sure. Definitely struggling.
I had the same upbringing. I had books in the house. My mom wouldn’t let us have a TV. School was a struggle. High school was a struggle and college.
Yeah, it was a struggle. I had certain inflection points for me. I’ll back up. Before I got into elementary school, though, so my mom and dad, they both struggled with substance abuse for a very long time, but part of their adult life. My mom, at the time, was struggling with crack cocaine. My dad was using heroin at times, in and out, but they were functioning, like they were still able to do their thing, young late 20-something, early 30s, being able to go party and still be functioning. In ’88, when I was born, my mom really got hit with it hard, and it really changed the trajectory of my family.
In ‘88 with me coming into the family, for my older siblings, it was a really inflection point for my family because from when they were born to ‘88, their life was one way because my parents were at the pinnacle of their careers. When I was born, things took a downturn as far as financial struggles and mom not working anymore, and dad’s struggling to find him a job and substance abuse picked up.
Pain: To leave your own environment and move to another is a big deal for any person to do.
It was a really interesting time for my family. When I was about one-year-old, my mom, my dad and my uncle got into some argument. My uncle ended up reporting my dad to BCW, which is now known to be CPS or ACS. That’s like the Bureau of Child Welfare, the CPS, Child Protective Services. ACS at that time too was like for children services as well. My uncle reported my dad. BCW came at the time, and actually, I was removed from my family physically for about a year.
Your dad’s brother basically went to public services and said, “This is an unstable environment. Get this kid out of here?”
Yeah. I don’t know if he specified, like saying get me out of there, but him and my dad had an argument over something. I think it was some money. Something happened with between them and out of spite, he’s being vindictive. He reported my dad and hurt him that way. They came to the house and saw how we were living at the time, what was going on. I was the newest addition to the family. I was the youngest. They decided to separate me from the house.
I actually went into the system. I was in foster care for about a year as a baby from about one and a half to about two, two and a half, three. I actually was with an individual in Brooklyn, New York, a woman who had custody at the time. In the middle of that, my mom and dad had to figure it out to get cleaned up. They were going back and forth between the courts.
Having you taken away from them, do you think that was a catalyst for them?
Yeah, I think it was a huge catalyst for them and for me, for sure. I think on their side, it was a catalyst of like the impact of certain decisions you have your lifestyle, how it can impact your family and separate your family. I think my mom and dad, especially my dad was really prideful of being like a father. That was one of his grandest accomplishments in his life. I think that shocked him to get his stuff together and figure that out and for my mom as well. They still struggle but in that time period, my dad’s sister, my Aunt Charlene, she was able to get custody of me while my mom and dad batted it out with the court.
They actually want Judge Judy when Judge Judy was on family court circuit. I actually did a documentary, I have a documentary talking about my life story. My aunt speaks to that time in the documentary. Once that’s released, I’ll make sure you put your eyes on it. My aunt had me for about a year or so. I got back integrated with my family after that. I was back with them. It was an interesting time. My baby sister was born in ‘94, and then my second oldest brother was actually in prison. He was in jail for about a year and a half, hosted two years.
He had robbed a cab driver, so he went in for robbery of a taxi driver. He made that decision poverty, not having money in his pocket. He thought of a quick way to get some money and made a decision that ultimately cost him some time. He became a felon at that time. I remember going to Rikers Island, going to go visit him at the prison at an early age, at around like ‘93, ‘94.
I still have that flashback in my head of going to go see him and all the different things there. Definitely some bumps in the road early. I think those adversities, those challenges really shaped me as far as how I decided to look at the world and some of the things that I intrinsically started to develop and intrinsically started to really understand about the world around me, for sure.
It sounds like you came into the world amid some chaos. You just described some examples of what different aspects of life, negative things not to do. Your brother’s getting in trouble with the law, whatever. Who are the positive examples? Can you talk a little bit about that?
Yeah. Tons of positive examples. I’d say my mom and dad. Our family, I was so blessed. Even in the midst of that type of adversity and the struggles that we have, my mom and dad struggling as adults with balance all the things of life. Now I’m a parent, so I have a different vantage point of what it was like then when I was a baby, and now being a parent and seeing how things can go a different direction.
There’s a level of grace and forgiveness that I have for them. As I think about all the positives, so many positives. One was just having a two-parent household in that environment. I was probably the only kid in my peer group that had both their parents in the house. At that time, a lot of families were just decimated. A lot of it goes into some systemic things, some structural things that I think was the catalyst for why families separated, especially Black families in our communities, not having men in the house, social services and welfare, all these different things.
To have my dad in the house was a big, huge win. Having a parent, my dad check my homework every day, sign my homework. The little nuances that I wasn’t aware of as a kid but it was super important. It was really helpful as far as my development as a young man. Of course, my two brothers, their friend groups, they always took me around, hung out with me, poured into me.
I think the culture of Harlem, I was so immersed in just culture of where I can walk down. Frederick Douglass Boulevard and know who Frederick Douglass was, or walk down Malcolm X Boulevard, walk down Mark Martin Luther King Boulevard. I went to schools that were named after African American juggernauts. I was walking by Thurgood Marshall Academy. I actually went to A. Philip Randolph Campus High School. There was like a cultural reinforcement of the greatness of who we are and some of our history that I was immersed in every day. I played basketball.
Also being a hooper. Being somebody that grew up in my projects, I was the person at the time who was the best basketball player in my community. There was a lot around people that poured into me in a particular way and who lived vicariously through me too, as far as like being able to take basketball to a different level and being able to be the person who could make it out with that gift of basketball.
I had a lot of elders, a lot of ogs, a lot of elder women who saw something in me early and poured into me. My neighbors. I grew up in an environment where my mom would send me to Ms. Thomas’ House to go get ketchup, sugar, bread, eggs. I would go knock on the door and say, “Ms. Thomas, do you have any sugar? Do you have any ketchup? Do you have any bread?” Those type of things that I still remember, that formed who I am now as far as those things. That’s why I said it’s a rich complexity about how I grew up.
Discovering The Developmental Benefits Of Basketball
You did a good job at describing it as a rich complexity. My youngest son was into skateboarding. He came up against the edge of going pro with skateboarding. I think what people don’t realize or don’t talk about enough is just the developmental benefits of getting good at something. It doesn’t really matter what it is. People start noticing you, and then you start to realize like, “I’m capable.” Did basketball do that for you?
Yeah, it sure did. The basketball thing for me was something like, my brothers were playing basketball, I would go outside when they were hooping. How I grew up, Gary, I’m not sure you’re familiar with Rucker Park in Harlem, New York. It’s like the mecca of street ball. Probably in the ‘60s, ‘70s, all the way up to like early 2000s, it was like the mecca of street ball. I grew up across the street from that park. Also, the rich thing, I think you would really appreciate that my projects was the old Giants Stadium. When Giants Stadium was demolished in the ‘50s, they made my projects. My projects is called Polo Ground Towers.
Adversities in life will intrinsically develop and help you understand the world around you. Share on XThe old Giants Stadium was the Polo Grounds. They tore down the stadium of the ‘50s and built my projects. I just wanted to give you that little footnote as far as the whole culture and all that type of thing. I think with basketball, though, when I started playing basketball, I didn’t know I was that good. I thought I was average at first, but then people started to notice that I was left-handed. A lot of folks are right-handed. Growing up playing basketball, I had a bit of a competitive advantage with basketball for a while, because everybody was forcing everybody to go left. They were playing defense. They were forcing me to my natural hand. I was just scoring all the time.
It took people a while to notice like, “Bro was left handed. Force him to the other direction.” It took them a while to catch up. I was really crafty, all these type of things. In the projects, in the hood, the thing about those environments, everybody has like an alias or some type of story that was their launching path. Growing up, everybody had a nickname. What was really that story for me was we had another gentleman named Kareem Reed. He is like in his 50s now. His nickname in Harlem was The Best Kept Secret.
He was really good. He played, I think, Division 1 basketball, street ball legend from the Bronx did his thing. He’s like twenty years or older than me. When I was growing up, people were like, “You play like Kareem Reed. You both are left-handed.” I remember one time, I played one of my childhood friends. We were outside of the park in the concrete playing ball all day until streetlights come on, that type of environment. We played a one-on-one in front of about 50 people, and we were playing a game of 21. I was scoring on him. He got upset, he was like, “I’ll beat you on one-on-one.”
We were going back and forth joining each other, and then they made us play one-on-one. He had on boots, and I had on sneakers. I had on tennis shoes. I’m scoring on him. He gets upset. “I’m going to go upstairs and get my tennis shoes, I’ll be right back.” Everybody was like, “You’re going upstairs to get shoes?” He went upstairs, got a shoe and came back down. The same result. I just gave him some work on the basketball court. All the older folks were there watching.
They were like, “Bro is good. We’re going to give him this new nickname. Your nickname is The Best Kept Secret.” At thirteen years old, I had this alias of The Best Kept Secret in my projects, and I was like deemed the next up as far as basketball was concerned. That was the story of how I came to be as far as basketball. I’ll tell you a little bit more if you have any other questions, follow up with that question.
It is super interesting. I like what you’re saying about like, “The dude’s left handed.” It’s like you should like using your gifts as an advantage. Did you like pour yourself into basketball or was it just coming easy?
Yeah, it came easy. It came a little bit easy at first, but right then I had to really put the work in because at that time, when I decided I might have a shot with this, let me really pour into my skillset and hone my craft, then I had to make basketball teams and compete with other people in the city and playing different tournaments and things like that. You go from your little projects of you’re that person and you are a big fish in a small pond. You are in New York City where millions of kids are trying to play basketball. That was the main thing for a lot of our youth.
Yeah, I’m competing. At that time, we had certain basketball programs that were renowned in New York. We had Gauchos in the Bronx. Stephan Marbury, a lot of NBA players playing for Gauchos. We had Riverside, another basketball powerhouse. I played for a team called the Mustangs for a while and won a couple of championships with them.
How old were you? Was it like in high school?
This was elementary, junior high school going into high school. I was playing in some of these tournaments. One tournament I remember vividly, it was called Little East. This tournament that we had, it was the Mustangs facility maybe a mile away from where I lived, maybe a little shorter than that. Maybe about fifteen city blocks. You could walk that easily in New York. I played in this tournament called Little East. How it was constructed, we had Bitty and Super Bitty. Depending on what age group you were, you either played Bitty or Super Bitty. The teams were got made from Providence, St. John’s, Syracuse, all the big East College teams. I remember I was a part of Syracuse, Little Orange Men.
In my first year, we struggled. I was getting better. The next year, I came back and we won the tournament. It was a really good situation for me when I won the tournament. I had brought the trophy, brought it back to my neighborhood and all that type of stuff. That was really cool. Playing in certain tournaments, going to play AU, then I went to a team called Team Rock from Little East. I played with a team called Team Rock. Jay-Z at the time had a basketball program called Team Rock. It was based out of Rockefeller Records, his record label. A lot of a lot of rappers and different people had their little basketball leagues and things like that.
I played with Team Rock for a bit. I wasn’t the best player on Team Rock. They had a lot of players that were really good. I was middle of the pack at that time. I get into high school. I go to A. Philip Randolph Campus High School. I remember my freshman year, one of the physical education teachers, his name was Marty. He was a coach for JV. The first week, I see Marty in the hallway, I know he’s the coach. I said, “Marty, are you the coach for JV?” He’s like, “Yeah.” I said, “I’m going to try out for varsity.” He’s like, “are you a freshman?” I said, “Yeah, I’m a freshman.” He said, “You are going to need a Band-Aid.”
I said, “Why?” He said, “You’re going to get your ass cut.” I’m like, “What the heck?’ he was one of those tough nose coaches or whatever. We have tryouts. I’m in tryouts. It’s a bunch of kids there trying out for varsity. I’m playing with the actual team. I’m going up against the starting point golf of varsity. We play in a scrimmage. It was 4 or 5 plays in a row. He tried to go by me, I strip him, I steal a ball 3, 4 times, I score, I get layups on him. Marty, the same JV coach, he’s looking at me, taking notes, like, “What going on with this kid?” Him and a varsity coach were deliberating like, “What the heck is going on?”
I’m scoring, I’m pumping my chest, and so a week later, everybody had to go to the gym to see if they made the varsity team. I go to everybody, go to the gym, I got my new group of friends. We all like, “I hope I made JV or varsity.” We go through the list, everybody go through JV. My name was on the list. I didn’t make JV. I go to the varsity list, I go down a couple of names. Hakeem Croom. I’m the only freshman in the whole school that year to make the varsity team. I was a freshman, the only freshman on the varsity team, which was a super proud moment. I had my work cut out for me. I had to compete with the seniors and the juniors and the sophomores. They weren’t trying to let this young buck come in.
What you’re talking about reminds me, I’ve heard people say this before, kids, they’re 4.2, 4.5, these high GPA kids. They get in these Ivy League schools, and they’re the big fish in a little pond. They get to the Ivy League school. That script just gets flipped.
I get the varsity and I didn’t get a whole lot of playing time. I’ve been playing a couple of games, couple of appearances. I’m working my way up there. The JV coach came back and was like, “I want you to play some JV games.” It’s LeBron James going from the league, going to play a couple G League games and coming back to play with the Lakers. I go to JV and I’m just dominating. I have a 44-point game and folks were like, “You’re clearly not in this range of JV. You’ve got to stay in varsity.” It was really a great time.
That was my freshman and sophomore year in high school. I remember we talked about one of the biggest inflection points in my life happened my sophomore year of high school. One of my best friends, Aaron Warren, he played varsity with me at Randolph in Harlem. One of my best friends, still a good friend of mine to this day, he ended up going to a military school, Fishburne Military School in Virginia. At the time, he left our sophomore year, he was in the streets a little bit, in and out the streets, trying to figure it out. His twin brother just got murdered. He was really down and trying to figure some things out. He left our school. I thought he might’ve got in trouble because he was in the streets.
He disappeared. At that time, I thought he might’ve maybe got some revenge or did whatever for his brother. He ended up leaving. We didn’t see him for months. Aaron comes back maybe around March, April of my sophomore year. He comes into school and I’m like, “Bro, what’s up? What’s going on? How are you doing? What’s going on?” He was talking and like, “Bro, I’m at this prep school in Virginia, bro. I’m killing it. I’m around White folks, but I’m eating every day. It’s great. I love it.”
Be a leader, not a follower. Share on XHow did he get there?
There was another gentleman that I met later named Jules. He played basketball. He told his coach, the Fishburne coach, about Aaron. The coach recruited Aaron and brought Aaron to the military school.
He wasn’t there because he got in trouble or anything?
No, he was there because he got recruited from a friend.
When people hear you went off to a military school, they think you got in trouble.
That’s the theme with a lot of folks who go to military school. They need some discipline, some structure. Their parents are like, “I’m going to teach you a lesson, give you some discipline.
That’s what rich parents do with their kids when they get in trouble.
Aaron went fresh out the projects, fresh out of Harlem. He was killing it. He was one of the best players on the team. I didn’t know any of this. I didn’t know this backstory until he told me.
How were you doing in school grade-wise? Were you struggling?
Grade-wise, I was struggling. I was a C student in chemistry and math. I was teetering between a D and a C. I might have failed math my freshman year. In Harle, I’m in a school with 30 other kids, 32 other kids, 1 professor, not enough books to go around. You say you turn to page 15, you go from page 12 to page 18. There’s no page 15 to go to. On top of that, just trying to stay focused, everything going on around me. I definitely was not performing to the best of my abilities. Some of it was on my own as far as really put my best foot forward and really prioritize my academics at the time.
Other parts of it was structural, but for me, there was some things I could have did better. I was a C student. At that time, when Aaron told me, when he said what he said to me, like, “I’m at prep school, I’m killing it. I eat every day, I’m around White folks. I’m doing this, I’m doing that,” my eyes got so big. Even to this day, my eyes still get big into the story. He told me later that I gave him a look and he knew that I was going to do well and he knew that I wanted it. I had this hunger.
Getting Out Of The Comfort Zone
Let me back you up, Hakeem. What was it about the phrase like, “I’m with White people and I’m eating every day?” Break that down for me.
It wasn’t even a White people part, was more about, “I’m eating every day. I’m out of the hood.” For me, how I grew up, it was when you play basketball, the way to really get a shot is to the goal was like, “I want to go to a boarding school. I want to go to this prep school.” We had all of these schools at the time, we had AU, and we had prep schools and boarding schools that you could go to that had really good basketball teams. You might go to an Oak Hill, or you might go to a school that’s really known for basketball. To be able to leave your environment move and go was a big deal, especially with your main gift for basketball.
When he said it, “I’m eating every day,” we were in survival mode. There were days I did not eat. We would eat rice and beans or I’m knocking on Ms. Thomas’ door asking for ketchup, like what I said before. There was some food insecurity and stuff like that. For him saying, “I eat every day, I’m over there doing my thing. I’m around these White folks, whatever.” We’re used to being in an all Black environment. The only time we would engage with White folks is maybe we had a couple of professors, a couple of teachers at our school that were White.
At the most, we would’ve engaged with White people when we went to downtown, Times Square, 5th Avenue, different parts. When you got past a 110th Street in Manhattan, it was only us. That was structured that way. You notice there’s a difference. Even when you’re on a train, you’re on 42nd Street, the train stations look a lot different. You go express on a D train and A train, one of them trains. You going to tell there’s a difference.
More and more people get off the train on 59th Street, it goes express. You go and you’re in Harlem. Just to give you some context, when he said all of that, I’m like, “Okay, wow. This is my ticket. This is my opportunity to make it out the hood.” That was what I was thinking.
That makes sense. My wife and I were up there, walking around in Harlem. We spent a couple of days in New York, walking around in Harlem.
Yeah, it’s a lot different. It’s beautiful. There’s still parts of the culture that’s there, but of course, gentrification. With the properties, the brownstones that happened, how they were able to get sold for pennies on a dollar. As folks that’s from Harlem, we know it’s gentrified because you could go and be in my project and go walk down the street. You got all these nice brownstones, Whole Foods, Target. All these things weren’t here before. It brings a different demographic of people. I think overall, from a business standpoint, there’s opportunities, things there as well. There’s also struggle as far as rent and folks being displaced and not being able to afford to live there. We’ll get to that later.
Pain: Walk by faith, not by sight.
As far as the Fishburne piece, he told me, and I’m like, “Bro, I want to go. Let me know what you need for me to make this happen.” He literally told the coach and the admissions director about me. Within 2 or 3 months, we had conversations. My oldest brother, his ex-girlfriend who’s still one of my closest friends and mentors, her name is Leticia Archie. She’s a big wig for Gap. She’s one of the head diversity folks for Gap. She was advocating for me because she saw my potential. She’s one of the first people I told about what Aaron told me. She’s like, “We’ve got to tell Mr. And Mrs. Croom. This is a great opportunity for you to go to another school and go to Virginia. We’ve got to tell your parents.”
I told her and she worked with my brothers and she came to my house, to the project and talk to my parents about me going into the school. My dad was like, “No. My son is not going to no school in the South. Nowhere in Virginia.” I didn’t notice at the time, but now that I’m more aware as a parent, he was from North Carolina. The image of me going to the South as the only child, he had the image of the South in his mind when he was a kid. Jim Crow, segregation. He was thinking about the South from that lens.
I’m taking it like, “Dad, you’re hating on me. This is my opportunity. Let me go, let me fly.” He was like, “No, you’re not going.” My mom, luckily she worked her magic on him. He’s like, “Okay, we’re going to let you go.” Within 2 or 3 months or so, it was from May to August, early September, I’m talking back and forth, talking to some of my coaches. I’m talking to the team over there, and they decided to give a full scholarship to come to Fishburne Military School.
I’m ecstatic. I’m nervous, but I’m also excited for the opportunity. Here’s the thing. Here’s the piece that I think is really in incredible about the story and just how things connected. I had to make a decision at sixteen years old to leave everything I knew behind. I’m in the middle of five kids. We have no family in Virginia. I don’t know anybody.
You got one friend at the school.
One friend at the school. That’s my guy. I’m like, “I’m going over there.” Here’s the thing that really made me think about how it was all connected was that when I was taken away initially from my family through the foster care system, having to be displaced and away from my family for a year or so as a baby.
It’s all somehow coded in you, like you’re going to be okay.
Here’s the other thing. It gave me a secure attachment because I was able to get reconnected to my family when I went to the foster care system. They came and got me back.
There’s something else going on here I want to dig into a little bit, Hakeem. I’ve always said entrepreneurial behavior stems from some level of dissatisfaction with the status quo. What you’re talking about, if I’m hearing you properly, is you’re in the hood. You’re in a family that’s struggling, but it’s staying together, but they’re struggling. You see gang violence and crime and poverty and hopelessness around you.
You got some kind of thing in your brain somewhere that there’s another life out there. You can’t overlook that point, though, Hakeem. The Teddy Moore, who I wrote about in my new book, he was in the Ice House program. He told me the same thing. He was brought up in Brooklyn, eleven kids, single mom. He said like, “I knew there was another life out there. I just couldn’t see it.”
I love that he said that because that’s exactly how it was for me. Growing up, I was a sensitive boy emotionally. I had a different type of spirit and energy around certain things. There were certain things I knew. I was looking around me. I said, “There has to be more than this. I’m going to figure out what it is.” I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but it had to be more than what I saw around me. On top of that, with my gift of basketball and other things that I like to do as far as learning and education, I had imagination, like, “I’m going to be out of here at some point. It has to happen.”
It has to be more than these four buildings, what I see around me, the people, all that type of stuff. It was something that’s internally that I knew. When that situation happened, it was a full circle of me taking that leap of faith. Walking by faith, but not by sight. At an early age, all those different things, that was just one of the be more do more. Being a hooper, there’s part of it where there’s a pressure, especially in those communities, which now at this stage in life, I’m working to restore a different way of framing of how we think about sports.
They’re great, but our kids shouldn’t be solely focused on that part. They should use it to their advantage. There was a lot of pressure to beat them first out of the hood to go to the league. There’s folks living vicariously through you. One of the things that really helped me, Gary, was that my two older brothers, when I was at Fishburne, they were like, “We’re proud of you. We love you, but if you don’t make it to the NBA, that’s okay.” It took this pressure off like, “I’ve got to be the one that make it out to that to the NBA,” and all this type of stuff. They said, “You’re going to be successful anywhere. What you’re doing right now, you’re setting the tone.”
That decision I made to do what I did at sixteen, my peer group, they were like, “Bro, you really showed us the blueprint of how to make choices and do things.” At sixteen, I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. I didn’t know that was the impact of me doing it.” They were like, “You’re doing that, bro?” One of my other friends, he played ball too. He went to a school, he went to Asheville, North Carolina to the Asheville School about maybe two years later, a year and a half later. He said because of the decision I made, he saw how it worked out and what I was doing, he said when he had that chance, he took it. He was like, “That really set a tone.”
Becoming A Leader And Role Model
You were just doing your own thing. You saw the military academy as a way out. I remember you told me this thing. The last time we talked when I was out in LA with you, you said something to the effect of a lot of your classmates were from rich families. They were just kind whatever they got to do, you’re like, “No, man. This is my ticket. My one shot.” You had a different way of thinking about it. Hakeem, I want to double click on this. At some point, other people in your community, you realize they’re looking at you as a role model. How did that change? What happened? How did that impact you?
I think it impacted me a lot of ways, Gary. Let me back up this a little bit. I always tell their story, but I remember, I still live by this and I remember it as a 37-year-old man. When I was growing up with them. I’m in elementary school, they used to tell me, “Be a leader, not a follower.” I still remember. I’m in elementary. “What are you talking about leading? I want to be everybody else. I want to do what everybody else is doing. What do you mean lead? What is that? What do you mean?” It was ingrained in me, to be a leader, not a follower.
I got two younger sisters behind me, then I got my two other brothers. I always was a sponge. I always want to learn. I love older people. I love to listen to folks. I could listen to a person that’s super successful, of what we deem as successful. I could listen to a person that’s an alcoholic or somebody that’s on drugs and learn from them about life. I always was a sponge and then that, that be a leader, not a follower thing, was something that I held onto.
When I was growing up, basketball was my safe haven. Instead of going to the corner, going to go hustle, going to get involved with whatever I could have got involved in with easily, I was in Rucker Park shooting jump shots. I was in there all-day hooping from sun up to sundown. There were certain decisions that I made because I understood that I needed to be a leader, not a follower. Everybody’s doing this, I’m doing that.
Pain: It is an incredible feeling to recognize how to be of service to others, lift them up, and help them reach their higher selves.
One of the things that I would do is, to even earn some money, before I had my first real job, I packed bags. In the hood, at that time, packing bags was lame. People wanted to get money other way, fast. It was embarrassing to pack bags because folks seeing you pack groceries and get nickels and dimes. I would go to the supermarket at 7:00 AM when it first opened and make sure I was one of the first bagger there to get a register and pack bags, get my little $20, my little $25 and quarters for the day.
There were certain decisions that I made because I knew I had to be a leader and not a follower at a young age. When I made those certain decisions, it all clicked that it is bigger than me and I represent something bigger. It is funny, the name of my documentary that I’m putting out is called Bigger Than Me. It speaks to this concept that’s bigger than me. When I made a decision of what I was doing, I’m like, people are actually watching. For me, I was like people are watching. I represent the best of who we can be. I represent hope and I represent inspiration, I represent all these different things. I’m not trying to be perfect. I understand that I represent that the higher version of ourselves.
One of the things that really opened my eyes to it, my baby sister, Natasha. I’m the first in my family to go to college. I’m first generation. When I first got there, my mom and dad were like, “We love you, son, but you got it from here. We don’t know how to help you. I’m going to hug on you, but everything else, I can’t do anything for you.”
My sister, though, she went to college a couple years after. She went to Sunyata in upstate New York. When she first got in there, I’m trying to give her the blueprint, “Do this, go talk to your advisor, go.” She’s like, “Brother, let me figure it out. Let me learn on my own.” I backed off, let her do her thing. Around her junior year, she started coming back and asking me questions about school and all that type of thing, her major, so on and so forth.
She had to write a paper for one of her classes. She never really showed me the paper. After a while, she had to write a paper. She showed me after she graduated, she had to write a paper on who a hero was. She told me that she wrote about me and that I was her hero. It’s my little sister. The irony of that was especially my two younger sisters, I get on their nerves because I’m the sibling that’s always pushing to do more, be more, want more. I’m not allowing you to have excuses. I get it. Life is life. Things happen. Shit is hard, but we you can’t do it. I’m the manifestation of it. If I could do this, you could do it too. There’s no excuses. They were like, “You’re annoying.” It’s all out of love because I want them to be great. She wrote that paper and it really hit me.
How old were you?
I was in my early twenties. I was probably 23, 24 at the time. I graduated in 2010. I was in Boston for a year for internship back in New York. I was back in Virginia where I started doing my work in higher ed as the assistant dean of diversity, equity and inclusion at the time at Hampden-Sydney College where I graduated. That’s when she showed me the paper. I’m like, “This is something.”
From there, I understood that I represented not only a lot just for my family, people who come from similar backgrounds, folks who are underdogs, who are now overcomers. I really took that on. I walk in space knowing that I represent a lot of those things. I take that everywhere I go. I know I represent things that’s bigger than me, for sure.
Valuable Lessons From Military School
That’s obvious. I’ve just been around you. It’s just like there’s all these kids following you around the campus like a Pied Piper or something. It’s a beautiful thing to behold. It really is, from my perspective, for sure. At 65 years old, to look at a young guy you that’s doing that, I have nothing but love for that. It’s awesome to witness. Talk to me a little bit about military school. Your friends are all there, just enduring whatever. Their lives are going to be okay. They come from wealthy families, but you’re exposed to a different culture.
‘M exposed to so much, Gary, and it was the best decision I ever made in my life. It changed the trajectory of everything. Fishburne was great. I go there, military school folks with the rifles and they walking, doing marching tours on the front and doing their tours. I was a fish out of water, for sure. Me and my dad to the Greyhound bus from Harlem all the way to Waynesboro, Virginia. Shenandoah Valley. I get there and I’m like, “What did I sign myself up for?” Maybe a couple of Black kids in the whole school.
It’s a small school, probably 160 cadets in total are going from 8th grade to 12th grade. Small school. I graduated a class of 40 people. Just going there, all types of people from different walks of life. One funny story I think I might have told you was when I first got there, there was just a cultural difference. When you first go to military school, it’s like how they do our armed forces, all our different military brands. You’ve got to go through a rite of passage. You’ve got to go through basic training. I’m going through something called rat status. You got to go through rat status. You a new cadet, you wear a red name tag.
Everybody else’s name badge is black. All the rats got to wear a red name tag. You’ve got to walk across campus counterclockwise on a stoop. That’s how everybody can identify all the rats. There are certain things you can’t do. You can’t walk on the front quad, all the other officers and NCO and the students can walk through the front quad. You got this rat book of rat rules that you have to memorize about the school. When did the school open? Who’s this? Who’s that? What’s this command mean? What is the front lean rest position? You’ve got to get them all signed by different people. My first couple of days, my day 1 or 2 or whatever, I’m walking around the stoop regularly.
I don’t know what I’m doing at all. I’m walking around clockwise, everybody else walking around going to the bathroom. This brother named Michael Cooper, he was the commander of Bravo company, a band company. He was like, “Rat.” He’s yelling rat real loud. I’m looking. He isn’t talking to me because I was no rat. I’m from New York City. Rat has a different connotation. You don’t want to be called a rat in Harlem. It’s like you’re snitching. He was saying rat, so I’m walking. “I’m talking to you.” He’s comes up yelling. I’m like, “Bro, I’m no damn rat, bro.”
I’m getting upset. “Who are you calling a rat?” He got confused, and Aaron hears the melee. He comes up, he like, “Bro, not that kind of rat, bro. I know you’re not a snitch. This is what this means here.” My bad. I didn’t know. Just the difference in culture and just the military school way of thinking and stuff that. All my classmates, I had a lot of wonderful classmates, folks who had different lived experiences. One of my classmates, his dad was a prime minister. He flew in on a jet, would come and see him and hang out, just stuff that. The family from the Middle East who had all your money. Another family, the they owned the Atlantis Hotel in The Bahamas.
I remember one time with the Middle Eastern family, they literally paid to live on campus, but then the family rented them a hotel for the whole year. They were on campus for a couple hours and they would live in a hotel and would do their thing. They had a whole different situation. They’re in the Middle East. They, so at that time, we still had those big clinky cell phones, the Nokia type of stuff. They had the Nokia cell phones that was 2 or 3 years ahead of our phones that we had here. One year, they literally left everything in their room. They just left. They didn’t take anything with them. They had all types of equipment stereo systems, clothes, cell phones.
They said, “Go in there. Take whatever you want. We’re not taking this back. Have whatever you want.” Me and two other cadets going there, “There’s a stereo in there.” It was just a really rich state. One thing about the military school, though. I go from a predominantly Black space, predominantly White space. At that time, there was some cultural differences, but it wasn’t really to the point where it was like overt racism and things like that. There was a difference because the thing about military school that makes it really great, it’s because we all wear a uniform. We all are the same. You have to wear a uniform. You can’t really tell who’s who until you start talking to them and learning their stories and building friend groups.
On the surface, we’re all here in military school. We’re all walking around with a rifle. We all got to do pushups and all that type of stuff. I remember I was in history class and one of my professors that God bless his soul, a great professor. My first couple of weeks, I was a little nervous because I don’t really know what I’m getting myself into. I didn’t speak a lot in class, but he saw me. He really saw me. He was like, “I could tell you got a lot to offer, but just not speaking.” He dismissed class. He said, Cadet Croom, let me talk to you real quick.”
He looked at me, he said, “You belong here, son.” He said it three times. He’s a White dude. I’m like, “I do belong here.” From there, I just took off. The affirmation letting me know I belong there no matter where I came from, my story, my journey, I belong here right at Fishburne. That was it. From there, in two years, Gary, like, I surpassed a lot of my peers in ranking. I became the battalion executive officer in two years.
Any successful person has had validation folks who have seen something about you before you can see it yourself. Share on XYou took that basketball mindset and applied it. Is that what you’re saying?
Yeah. I applied it to the basketball mind. I took the hunger, I took this my opportunity to do something in my life, to be great, to do something that my family hasn’t done, all those different things.
There’s a part of your story I want to double click on for a second. We need people along the way to validate us. That’s part of your story. There’s somebody that’s noticing something. You’re striving towards something. People noticing that and seeing something in us.
Any successful person has had that validation, folks that see something to you before you could see it.
That’s Clifton’s from The Ice House. Uncle Cleve saw something in him. Hakeem, let me ask you this. Basketball got you a free ride to the military academy. You saw it as your way out. At what point did you decide, or did it decide for you that basketball’s not the thing?
It was in high school.
Before the academy?
It was during Fishburne. It was during the academy. I played basketball. I was the best player on the team, but our team was an average team. I made all state. I got some accolades and things like that but I knew that the program, we weren’t playing at the highest level of competition and exposure and things that. I went to a Division 3 college. I went to Hampden City College, which in that area, regionally, it’s like an ivory tower in the region of Hampden-Sydney has a rich history.
It was established in 1776, before the founding of our country for real. I knew in high school, applying my late junior, maybe early senior year, that I’m going to go to college, I’m going to still play basketball but now I need to focus on other skillset, other giftings that I have. When I get to that next level of figuring out what that may be for me. My brothers helped me relieve that pressure of being the first in my neighborhood to go to the NBA. When we had that conversation, they was like, “Bro, we are proud of you. It’s okay if you don’t go to the NBA. It’s all right. You got options.”
That was the beautiful thing. I always loved to learn. I love people. I love connecting. As a leader, I remember my one of the superintendent for Fishburne, he came to me one day. He was he was like, “You’ll make a great lieutenant, great captain in the military. Have you ever thought about going to the military?” I’m like, “No, sir. I don’t want to go into the military for real. I want to go to college and do my thing, but I appreciate you letting me know about that.”
Folks saw some things as far as the leadership aspect of it. I knew that at that point, going to the league was not going to be a thing. I was okay with that. I was at peace with that because now I have a network. I’m learning some new things, some new skillsets, people, leadership, and how do I start to hone those skillsets a little bit more.
You had a sense that you got other options. You mastered this, but there’s other options.
Basketball led me to the awareness of my other gifts that I have to give the world. My purpose is my purpose and basketball is one of the things that was going to help me to drive the recognize what my actual purpose is, or my purpose what was going to be overall. Basketball was one of those gifting that gave me the exposure to get me connected to people, a different environment. From there, things started to open up a little bit more.
Devoting Yourself To Something Bigger Than You
Yeah. There’s another part of your story. I also want to double click on here, Hakeem, and I think the ancients talked about this. Modern thinkers have talked about it. There’s the good life when you figure out how to use your skills to enrich yourself and your family. That’s fair enough. There’s nothing wrong with that. The next level, the meaningful life, Aristotle wrote about this. That happens when you can devote yourself to something bigger than you.
That’s where the optimal level of engagement comes also in the human. When you figured out like, “I can be a role model for other people. I can actually contribute to something. It’s not just about how can I make the most money,” it’s about other people. I just don’t want that to get lost in the conversation.
Definitely. I think that’s the theme I think to where I sit now and when I think about, and when I reflect on all the decisions I made, all the things that happened and had to happen that had to happen for me to be in this position.
Are you talking about the bad things?
The bad, the negative, the good. Everything had to happen for me. The foster care, being exposed to crack, growing up how I grew up, these things, it was a breeding ground. It was a preparation for me to make the impact that I need to make on the world and people around me because now, I have the ability to connect with so many different people. Folks are looking at me now, they don’t know the Hakeem from ‘93 or ‘98 or 2000. They get to learn about, “You went through that?” I could connect with folks on that type of level, the emotional level, the emotional awareness, the emotional intelligence of my upbringing.
Also, the mindset of like, I’m not going to be a victim. I’m going to be a victor. These things are happening for me, and I’m going to figure out how to use these things and be positive, optimistic, being grounded in the small things that happened in my story and the small things. I can always feel a sense of happiness, joy, fulfillment, purpose every day. Even with that, I think the mindset of that positive, that optimism, that hope. I tell folks I’m a hope dealer. An example in real time, I had a brother of mine I grew up with in Harlem. Him and I had about ten fights in fifth grade. We fought, because in fifth grade, I was in talented and gifted.
You have some power and control of choice and decision-making that can help you achieve your goals. It could be something small – you do not have to think of something big. Share on XI was in a gifted program in elementary school for being a little bit more advanced academically. In fourth grade, I got kicked out of talented and gifted. I was just feeling myself making fart noises in the back of the class being a ten-year-old kid doing the most. I go to fifth grade, and so I’m in a class everybody else, but I’m more advanced. I’m passing everything. This one gentleman, he isn’t like that. He thought I was smart ass. “You think you’re smarter than us,” whatever. Me and him get in, I don’t know, 8 to 10 fights throughout the year, or random stuff. This brother, I post something on Facebook and he commented. He said, “You’re motivating our whole generation, bro. You’re motivating our whole age group, bro.”
This is circa 2000 or whatever, 1990-something that I had a bunch of fights with him,, but just that impact on him. We’re men now. Of course, that’s all forgiven. We were in fifth grade. That has nothing to do with now. It goes to show that every that folks are watching, they’re seeing how I’ve been able to move and do some things, and how that’s inspiring them as a man, as an entrepreneur, as an educator, as a father, somebody that’s a speaker, life coach, all the things that I do. Even right now, I think it’s incredible.
Just being able to recognize that, how can I add value, be a service to others, lift others up, and especially as a leader and able to help people reach their higher selves and help them to actualize their higher selves. Folks are like, “You don’t talk about your accomplishments a lot.” I don’t got to talk about those. I’m going to pour into you, let you be great. As things unravel, you see some things, you’ll just see them what they are. I don’t leave with what I’ve done. I don’t leave with like, “I’ve done this, I’ve done that.” I leave from a place to try to be authentic and genuine and just try to show interest in people and not trying to show them how interesting I am. I want to be interested in you. That’s what it is too.
There’s something else I want to point out in your story. I know we’re winding down here time-wise, we definitely need to do a second one. We’re just getting warmed up here, Hakeem. You said something, I want to make sure that the readers double click on. It’s the optimism. I’ve studied the science behind optimism. What I found is that people who optimistically interpret adversity actually become stronger, healthier and happier than people who have never suffered adversity in the first place.
It’s so counterintuitive. That’s what I heard you saying over and over again in different ways. You came from hard times, but you decided you’re going to make it work. I got a friend who was Special Forces Marine Corps sniper who served in Afghanistan, Iraq, got shot, blown up. He came from a really rough, broken family. His stepmom beating the shit out of him on a regular. He’s told me numerous times, like he’s just locked in his bedroom as a kid. He said, “As an adult, I realized that sucked but it made me who I am. It gave me the strength.
It it’s that optimistic interpretation of adversity. That’s what I observed in these underdog entrepreneurs that I’ve interviewed like you. The adversity works to their advantage. I’m even reluctant to say that to people because they’d get mad at me thinking I’m blaming the victim, or whatever. It’s not what I’m saying. It’s like, it’s a subtle cognitive thing that makes all the difference.
I think for where I sit, coming from my background, that’s one of the things that I’m really honing in on and trying to reframe how we think about adversity. Think about challenge, struggle, trauma. I didn’t have all the adverse childhood experiences. I didn’t have all those things. A part of the human experience it is to shape you and mold you and light and dark and all the polarities of life. The struggle to the progress, there’s polarity in our human experience that we have the experience while we’re here on this plane. For the area and the environment and the background that I come from, oftentimes, first of all, how I go about my framework, I’m a liberation speaker.
I’m a liberatory person, a liberatory educator. I can’t motivate you if you’re not liberated. I have to liberate you first to help you remove the shackles, the psychological, emotional shackles, whatever that may be that’s serving as a blockage and a barrier for you to unlock a different way of thinking about the world around you and your experience, your relationship to the things around you, the people around you and your experiences. The work that I’m doing and getting into is trying to help folks to take their power back because you’re relinquishing your power to make choices every day in your life.
How I grew up, so much is out of my control, Gary. One of my best friends that I lost, we were literally playing NBA 2K. We were in the house. This is my documentary, you’ll see it. We were playing 2K, we were chilling for a bit. I go visit a friend in the next projects right over. He goes to the store, literally gets shot and killed. I’m with him an hour before this happens. He gets shot and killed and I never see him again.
All these things are real traumatic events and survivor’s guilt, survivor’s remorse. I’ve battled through all those things. I survived so much. I feel guilty. At the end of the day, I have to also take onus and own that I made decisions. At certain times in my childhood, I made intentional and decisions that were in my control in an environment was so much out of my control.
That’s the framing that I’m trying to convey to a lot of people that come from similar backgrounds, that you do have some power and some control of choice and decision making that can help you to achieve your goals. It could be something small that you don’t think is a big thing. It could be small things me packing bags instead of going to go hustle. I sold candy on the train. If you have been to New York, I was one of the people that was selling M&M’s one time. Selling Snickers. I could have been selling a whole bunch of other stuff. That was the lifestyle. I tried to sell candy. The thing about it too is that how do we make these things, especially in my community, how do we make that the new cool?
That’s what I’m talking about in my work, Hakeem. It’s all mindset. What we’re talking about is locus of control. Do you feel you’re in control of your future? Do you feel your future? The world’s controlling you. You’re not even be aware. We don’t walk around saying, “My name’s Gary. I have an external locus of control.” You’re not even aware of it. Your behavior tells the story. I got in an Uber car in Johannesburg. I always to talk to Uber drivers because they’re usually people that are trying to hustle. They don’t realize this is still their boss. They don’t think about themselves.
I’m talking to this guy and I was like, “Why don’t you get yourself a little three ring binder, a little notebook, a spiral notebook. Everybody that gets in your Uber car, ask them write down one piece of advice that’s helped you in your life. In two years, you’re going to have a book. You’re going to have all this knowledge.” He was looking at me like this was brilliant, but I was just trying to demonstrate to him, when you have underlying assumptions that you’re in control of your life, that there’s a better future, you’ll find the answers. Hakeem, maybe we’ll end here for now.
I’ve interviewed 700 entrepreneurs all over the planet. I just got back from Cameroon. I think I told you I was in Cameroon interviewing. Next level poverty. The story’s the same. What it comes down to and what your story reminds me of, it’s really simple, Hakeem. The people who are looking for answers find them. The people who aren’t, don’t. Now the question becomes, are you looking for answers or aren’t you? That’s mindset. Let’s talk about it.
Get In Touch With Hakeem
If you’re not looking for answers, let’s talk about that. If you are, how can I help you? You’re going to be on your way. That’s what it comes down to. That’s what mindset work is really all about. Let’s wind down episode one of Hakeem’s story, but did I hear you say you’re also doing public speaking and coaching and stuff like that? I want to make sure how can folks get ahold of you.
Thank you for that. I’m a life coach. I have a coaching practice. I really thought about this a lot when it comes to men. There’s a lot around mental health support. I want my life coaching practice focuses on activating the higher selves of men so they can actualize their goals and find purpose and fulfillment. I’m available for one-on-one coaching, group coaching.
I have a whole methodology around my life coaching practice to help men who may be in patterns of cycle to dissatisfaction, may need to pivot certain things as far as identity, redefining their identity in certain ways, and healing work and all those types of things too. I think my story led me down that path, going to all male schools, Fishburne, going to Hampden-Sydney, another all-male college, working for an all-male program.
I’ve done a lot of work around maleness for a while. I wanted to add value in that way. You can find me on LinkedIn, Hakeem Croom, and also on Instagram. My Instagram handle is @King_Jubal. That’s my middle name. Also, my email is HakeemCroom@Gmail.com. If you have any questions or you want to have more conversations, I have also available for the discovery calls and things that as well.
I’m a speaker, so I’ve had a couple of engagements that I had, certain colleges and different organizations and things that. I speak on a litany of topics, from teamwork and collaboration to resilience to leadership, all these different things I speak to as well that I think are really important things. Also, the other aspect of that too is, I facilitate workshops on a regular, too.
Pain: Anyone rich in relationships is shaped by many people who inspired and helped them get to where they are right now.
I’m also a Workshop Facilitator. If you need me to speak or facilitate a workshop for a team or organization, whatever that may be, I’m always available to do that. Yeah, those are a couple of things I do. I’m working on my first book and also my documentary. I’m excited for all these things that to come together on my personal brand and everything I have going on and added value to other people’s lives, for sure, through my story and through my testimony and through my gifts.
I love it. Hakeem, I’m so grateful for getting this story down. You just inspired me. The energy, your face lights up when you start talking about helping other people. There’s an energy that comes out of you. It’s so beautiful.
Thank you. I appreciate it. So many people pour into me, so I guess the least I could do is lift as I climb and pour to other people. I’m a rich man. I’m rich in relationships, rich in all the people that have inspired me, who have seen something to me and help me to get to where I am. For me, I just want to give back in that way and pour in other people and helping them to be great as well. That’s really my purpose here. I’m doing all I can to fulfill that.
I love it. Let’s leave it there, Hakeem. Thank you. Until next time.
Next time. All right, now. Thank you, Gary.
Thank you, Hakeem.